Random Bits
Just a few curiosities.

Exactly what season of Angel is stripping!Wesley in? No, uh *shifty eyes* reason for asking.

I'm looking for recs. Specifically, I'm looking for recs for amnesia!fic. I've read a few fics, and all it really did was get me craving for more. So, go on, rec away -- any pairing, any setting, either BtVS or AtS. Go wild with it.

Going to buy the first season of Angel today . . . probably.

I've been writing more end of the world fic. I blame my odd apocalypse obsession as of late. Speaking of, I had an apocalypse dream involving Giles.

I don't recall much of it. The world had just ended, even though it was going. Rather, the event that was going to cause the end of the world only partly happened. So lots of people were dead and most of the people I was with were badly injured. Including myself.

There was a group of us (about eight, I think) sitting there, surrounded by wreckage. Giles was one of the people. Xander and possibly Willow (some girl I seemed to know, either way) were also there. Giles was talking to us, trying to figure out what to do next, what was supposed to happen after the world only almost-ended. I was slumped against some crates and other things, leaning against Xander, exhausted.

Partly through the instructions and lecture, Giles turned to me.

Giles: You didn't know enough. It's your fault she's dead.

I don't know who "she" is, not now. All I remember is that it wasn't Buffy. In the dream, "she" was important and she meant something deep to all of us. I had told her something, a plan or a way to stop the world from ending, but I hadn't know enough about it. And she died.

I didn't respond to Giles. I looked away, and he snapped some order that needed doing. Then he stormed off.

I didn't want him to know how upset I was. I had no right being upset -- it was the truth. I made a mistake, and it cost a life. I thought I knew what I was doing, but I didn't, and I didn't deserve pity. I didn't have the right to be upset that I had screwed up. I was nothing, now.

I wandered off with Xander and possibly-Wilow. We were sent out to find people, patch them up if we could, move them to a mass grave if we couldn't. During this, I couldn't help but start crying. No sound, just silent tears running down my face.

That was how Giles found me. Crying over a woman while I bandaged her arm. I tried to stop crying, I used everything I had to try to stop. I didn't deserve to be upset, and I especially did not have the right to do it in front of Giles. Not him, of all people.

I couldn't stop crying, though. He saw me, and he just stopped. Wrapped an arm around me and held me tightly, crying himself, apologizing for what he said. I told him it was true, though, that I had killed her, and I started sobbing.

Great sobs, the kind where you shake violently and you can't breath. He just held me even tighter, crying along with me, telling me it wasn't my fault, apologizing. At one point, all he could say was "Oh god" over and over.

Duty called, though, so I forced myself to calm down and I went back to bandaging strangers. Giles just gave me a sad look and walked away to check on another group, somewhere else.

Once my group was done, we wandered back to the same place the lecture had been at. I suppose it was where we were setting up camp for the time being. Giles was standing off to the side, supervising everyone. He caught my eye and stared for a moment before looking away.

I walked up to him, hugged him in a clinging manner, and just said, "I don't know what I'd do without you and I don't want to imagine what any of us would have to do if you weren't around".

And then I woke up.

It was vivid and terrifying.

On the personal front, the two jobs are going well. Jessica's moved in with me, possibly for good.