The road is long

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:25:27 GMT

FRIEND'S ONLY. Comment to be added :)

Drabble!

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 05:36:31 GMT

So, I sat down to write. While I did, it wasn't at all what I meant to work on. Instead, I've a short 131 word drabble. Oops, in the best way.

Title: Mental Lists
Author: redundantly
Word Count: 131
Rating: G
Pairing: Wes/Gunn
Summary: Since age six, Wesley had kept a mental list of his failures.

***

Since age six, Wesley had kept a mental list of his failures. There were the small ones (scorching Father's study after the mistranslation of a spell) and the big ones (Faith), and he kept track of them all.

He wasn't sure just which category his kissing Gunn fell into.

Gunn wiped at his mouth, shifting slightly. "Remind me of this moment the next time I call you predictable."

Wesley looked away. "Charles, I didn't--"

"Mean to?" Gunn snorted. "Wes, you held me against the wall. In fact," he glanced down at the hands gripping his shoulders, keeping him in place, "You still are."

Quickly, Wesley dropped his arms, stepping back. "I'm sorry. I-- I shouldn't have--"

"Hey," Gunn shrugged, "I ain't moving, am I?"

His mental lists were far too limiting.

***

Constructive criticism always welcome.

Work and the real world have been winning, lately. Of course, I've also been completely distracted by AtS and BtVS, so it's mostly my fault. Just a formal apology for failing at livejournal and fandom.

fannish combustion

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 01:56:46 GMT

What did I take away from my first viewing of the pilot episode of AtS?

Oh my god, Doyle has a fedora!

Obviously, I pay attention to the important things.

Okay, no, I took away more than that. The beginning bit with fake!drunk!Angel is just wonderful. Amusing and I think it's a great way to kick it all off.

You know, I've never really thought about how damn smooth Angel actually is. Socially awkward, yes, but smooth as hell. Love the moments where he creates an entire persona as a cover in seconds. Just all seems to fall together like nothing. For someone so lacking in the human interaction department, he's got a great handle on people and able to pull off whatever role he needs to.

I'm being to appreciate Angel even more. My question, though, is where on earth did he get all those Hawaiian shirts? What, did he raid Xander's closet before he left for LA?

Oh gods, do I adore Doyle. Fedora aside, he's a great character. Before watching this season, I knew very little about him -- seems no one really writes Doyle fic (a fact I'm bemoaning now) and he's rather . . . forgotten about. Poor guy never did get much of a run. I cried terribly at his death, though. Knew it was happening, knew exactly how, and I still cried.

Watching Cordelia and Angel deal with the death is incredibly interesting though. Angel's guilt and whole stoic attitude about it . . . and, oh gods, I just love the look of "I'm hurt, but I also get the feeling I shouldn't be in this room anymore" that Wesley gets when Angel calls him Doyle. Watched that scene a few times over.

Actually, I just love "I've Got You Under My Skin" period. Wesley's marvelous in it (his insisting that he can perform the exorcism, all of it). Broke my heart, watching his reaction to the boy/demon mentioning his father, and I think I snapped when he mentioned that a father can terrorize his child easily.

I know I'm all over the place, but I'm just loving this.

"Parting Gifts"? Marvelous episode. Best Entrance Made By a Character goes to Wesley (though I may be biased). Actually seeing the chafing line made my day.

I absolutely adore the protectiveness of Wesley and Angel in "Expecting". It's sweet, and it made me happy.

Kate bothers me. Always has, always will. I do not like her character, not at all. Sort of dims my fannish strokes.

I have more, but I'm rather absorbed with watching the discs. Four discs done in less than twenty-four hours. I'll ignore what that says about my productivity.

squee

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 06:39:15 GMT

I am the proud owner of the first season of Angel. That means Doyle, and fun Cordelia, and personality!Angel. Most importantly, Wesley. Fun, cute, geeky yet compatant Wesley.

*flails*

Random Bits

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 16:31:58 GMT

Just a few curiosities.

Exactly what season of Angel is stripping!Wesley in? No, uh *shifty eyes* reason for asking.

I'm looking for recs. Specifically, I'm looking for recs for amnesia!fic. I've read a few fics, and all it really did was get me craving for more. So, go on, rec away -- any pairing, any setting, either BtVS or AtS. Go wild with it.

Going to buy the first season of Angel today . . . probably.

I've been writing more end of the world fic. I blame my odd apocalypse obsession as of late. Speaking of, I had an apocalypse dream involving Giles.

I don't recall much of it. The world had just ended, even though it was going. Rather, the event that was going to cause the end of the world only partly happened. So lots of people were dead and most of the people I was with were badly injured. Including myself.

There was a group of us (about eight, I think) sitting there, surrounded by wreckage. Giles was one of the people. Xander and possibly Willow (some girl I seemed to know, either way) were also there. Giles was talking to us, trying to figure out what to do next, what was supposed to happen after the world only almost-ended. I was slumped against some crates and other things, leaning against Xander, exhausted.

Partly through the instructions and lecture, Giles turned to me.

Giles: You didn't know enough. It's your fault she's dead.

I don't know who "she" is, not now. All I remember is that it wasn't Buffy. In the dream, "she" was important and she meant something deep to all of us. I had told her something, a plan or a way to stop the world from ending, but I hadn't know enough about it. And she died.

I didn't respond to Giles. I looked away, and he snapped some order that needed doing. Then he stormed off.

I didn't want him to know how upset I was. I had no right being upset -- it was the truth. I made a mistake, and it cost a life. I thought I knew what I was doing, but I didn't, and I didn't deserve pity. I didn't have the right to be upset that I had screwed up. I was nothing, now.

I wandered off with Xander and possibly-Wilow. We were sent out to find people, patch them up if we could, move them to a mass grave if we couldn't. During this, I couldn't help but start crying. No sound, just silent tears running down my face.

That was how Giles found me. Crying over a woman while I bandaged her arm. I tried to stop crying, I used everything I had to try to stop. I didn't deserve to be upset, and I especially did not have the right to do it in front of Giles. Not him, of all people.

I couldn't stop crying, though. He saw me, and he just stopped. Wrapped an arm around me and held me tightly, crying himself, apologizing for what he said. I told him it was true, though, that I had killed her, and I started sobbing.

Great sobs, the kind where you shake violently and you can't breath. He just held me even tighter, crying along with me, telling me it wasn't my fault, apologizing. At one point, all he could say was "Oh god" over and over.

Duty called, though, so I forced myself to calm down and I went back to bandaging strangers. Giles just gave me a sad look and walked away to check on another group, somewhere else.

Once my group was done, we wandered back to the same place the lecture had been at. I suppose it was where we were setting up camp for the time being. Giles was standing off to the side, supervising everyone. He caught my eye and stared for a moment before looking away.

I walked up to him, hugged him in a clinging manner, and just said, "I don't know what I'd do without you and I don't want to imagine what any of us would have to do if you weren't around".

And then I woke up.

It was vivid and terrifying.

On the personal front, the two jobs are going well. Jessica's moved in with me, possibly for good.

Fic -- He Writes

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 22:55:45 GMT

I bring fic! Took me a few days to actually get this how I wanted it. A short little ficlet, again, but I'm happy with it.

Xander, post-series. Let's just, uh, pretend he never went to Africa and is instead in Cleavland. AU, perhaps?

Believe it's pretty self-explanatory.

Title: He Writes
Author: redundantly
Word Count: 235
Rating: G
Summary: Xander attempts to let go. Post-series.

***

He writes letters to her. Long letters, short letters, letters on the back greasy diner napkins, letters written in sloppy, slanted scrip.

He tells her about his dreams, about the frog he saw while walking to work. When he's in a melancholy mood, he tells her about his fears, about the heaviness in his heart that he doesn't remember arriving and that he can't define. He tells her about the man down the hall that wears his ex-wife's bathrobe. He tells her how the grocer's wife wears dark sunglasses, even inside, and sometimes walks with a limp.

He tells her about the rain, how it smells just like his air freshener and he hates that. He tells her that his shoes have a hole in them, and that one day, he thinks he'd like to visit Asia. Sometimes, he even writes about how he thinks of going to trade school to expand his horizons -- he just needs someone to tell him it's not too late.

He mentions the view from his bedroom; the way the houses part to give him just a hint of mountains and that when the sun sets, his room looks golden. Heavenly.

He writes letters to her. He writes and writes, hand cramping, ink staining everything, and when he's done, he rips them up to throw in the river.

He likes to imagine the fish read things she never will.

***

Still need to beef up my user pics. Trying to keep up with active participation.

Rambles and icons.

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 05:00:53 GMT

Working two jobs, now, daily. Making a nice chunk of change, but it leaves me little time to breathe. Last night I stayed awake a few hours longer than I should have, just so I could get my daily dose of fandom. Go nuts without it.

I'm declaring ASH my good luck charm. Before, he was just a man to obsess an drool over. Having started off every day for the past week by listening to his liquid gold singing voice has seemed to make my days insanely wonderful. Hence, good luck charm.

I signed up for a ficathon. I'm hoping that doesn't come back to haunt me, but I'm excited. I've got a good choice of assignments, and this way I can excuse spending my first paycheck on the first season of Angel -- "research". Of course, the fact that it will sooth my intense jonesing for some Wesley is just a bonus.

Made myself promise I'd watch all five season of Angel in order. Not that I mind having mixed up the order of Buffy seasons, but I think it'll help pack more of a punch. Not to mention, give me a better feel for the growth of the characters and their bonds with each other.

*bounce* Is it payday yet?

I spent some of last night searching for clear caps of Wesley and Gunn. One can never have too much Wes in their lives. Unfortunately, I came up with very little. I suppose I could go to one of those many sites that have entire episodes capped within an inch of their lives, but there's something fun about using Google Images. I like the search.

Since I couldn't find any, I just booted up The Sims and played with the Wesley I have on there. He's aged, but he's happy.

I have fic. Badly written, must-be-edited, fic. Maybe I'll do that during my break between jobs tomorrow.

Instead? Icons. Just playing around with a certain style, and I may have gone a bit overboard. Mostly bases, like usual. 29 icons in total.

03. 19. 25. 29.

Comment and credit, please.

01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06.
07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12.
13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18.
19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24.
25. 26. 27. 28. 29.

Not liking the idea of waking at five-thirty tomorrow morning.

Hmm?

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 04:23:53 GMT

I'm driving myself crazy. I need an outsider's perspective.

I can't seem to decide if this icon is good or bad. One second, I love it and the grainy look to it. The next, I can't even begin to describe where it went wrong.

So, any outsiders have a perspective?

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 19:43:54 GMT

I had an entry, a long one, and livejournal lost it.

I got the job, yesterday. I made it a point to listen to the Buffy musical and Music for Elevators on the walk to the interview. Figured Anthony Stewart Head's voice would make a wonderful good luck charm. It seemed to work. Put me in a wonderful mood, too. That man's voice is like liquid gold.

Last night I had a dream about Wesley. There were quite a few bits to it that I don't remember, but I do know there was a portion of the dream that took place in a McDonald's. He was already sitting down with his food, and I was still in line, waiting to order. The rest of our group was scattered about. Gunn was standing beside me waiting for his food to be served.

Oddly enough, I kept trying to secretly order a cheeseburger. Until I remembered they had meat in them (I forgot?) and I ordered a McFlurry instead.

Finally I got my food and I went to sit with Wesley (he was sitting by himself, cut off from the rest of the AI crew). Our conversation was actually full of things I've always wanted to say/ask.

Me: So is it 'Mr. Wyndam-Pryce' or 'Mr. Pryce'? I've never really understood that.
Wesley: It doesn't matter.
Me: Oh. That's . . . not satisfying.
Wesley: Mmm.
Me: Look, I can understand the appeal of the scruffy!you. It's very attractive, but this stoic and steel thing you have going on? Give it up. It's tiring and it wouldn't kill you to smile over something. You're not that tortured.
Wesley: *completely taken aback* You'd rather dork!Wesley?
Me: Yes! Yes, I love dork!Wesley. He's competent, yet lovable. Bring him back, he's fun.
Wesley: What about--
Me: I didn't see you on Buffy, so I don't know about that. I'd say no, though. I hear you were a prat.

I own the third season of Buffy, so I'm not sure why I lied to him. Made me very happy, though, have a dream with Wesley in it.

I finished the first season of Buffy last night. I had been putting off watching the last episode. Partly because I wanted to drag it out, partly because I was afraid that it would be when Buffy started the All About Buffy thing. It wasn't that bad, though, and I really enjoyed it.

Other thoughts on season one:

Xander's characterization is probably the best one, at the very start. It's a new series, the characters are still finding their spots, some of the characterization is different than we're used to. Xander, though? He's himself from start to finish. I love it.

I was surprised Angel wasn't around all that much. I was expecting the Angel and Buffy love affair to really kick off in season one, to be intense and powerful like they usually are. I kind of like how it wasn't. Angel was just sort of there, and while there was attraction, there wasn't much more.

I had more to say, but I'll type it later. Another job interview awaits.

I'm enjoying this.

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 19:14:46 GMT

I had an incredibly odd dream last night. Basically, I was Willow. An accident of some sort had happened and I had been in the hospital. The day I was being released, though, I called Oz from some cellphone I found lying about, When I called, he was about a foot away from me, so I dropped the phone, squealed, and hurled myself into his arms. There were happy sounds, babble, and an excited Oz (basically, he half-smiled -- that's Oz excited, though).

So, we went to go meet up with the others. Unfortunately, Xander went running by yelling something about the world being doomed, and I went to go run after him. Oz ended up upset by this and took it out on me with another girl (very OOC). I was devestated, and I left him to go save the world.

Then there was an entire conversation between Oz and Buffy that mostly consisted of her saying "No, you don't understand, you can't be here -- you're not in the first season" over and over again.

My livejournal goals for today? Fill up my userpics with icons that I'm scarily attached to, and continue trying to de-lurk. So far, so good. I woke up to find a great number of comments in my inbox, and I also found out that rayne_y_daze recced me. Made my day, that.

Another thing that made my day? Waking to my phone ringing, only to find out I've a job interview at four-thirty. So if everyone wants to keep their fingers crossed and hope I don't make a complete ass out of myself, feel free. Feel more than free. Feel . . . well, actually, I don't know what's more than free, but you can feel it.

ETA: I just received yet another call for another interview tomorrow. This? Completely my day.

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 08:26:19 GMT

Icons, now. All Buffyverse, because I've lost track of my House icons. Oops? Mostly bases, as I lack creativity for text.

Comment and credit, please.

05. 10. 14. 19.

Buffyverse

01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06.
07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12.
13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18.
19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24.
25. 26. 27. 28.

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 07:51:01 GMT

I have fic. Sort of. Slightly longer than a drabble, though not by much. The problem, though, is that I've no idea where else to post this. I'd like to get involved with the fandom, it's just proving near impossible to.

Suppose I'll continue hunting. Until then, here you are. Giles, Dawn, Xander, end of the world, and Christmas.

***

It hadn't taken them long to lose track of the days -- things had a tendency to blend together, now. After the first snow, Giles had thought briefly of Christmas, and he was sure the others had as well. No one mentioned it, though.

Not until Dawn, thin jacket clutched around her while they waded knee deep through a snow drift, asked if they could stop at the store about a mile away.

Xander halted, shifting to her side instantly. "Are you okay? Do you need to rest?"

She quickly shook her head. "No. I mean, yes, I'm fine. I just . . . I wanted to look for something. A gift."

"A gift?" Xander shot a look to Giles over the top of her head.

"For Christmas."

Giles hesitated for a moment, exchanging another look with Xander, before speaking. "Dawn--"

She stopped. "Look, I know it's stupid. I know there's no point, and that we don't even know if it's Christmas time or not, even if it is snowing. I just thought--" Dawn gave a half shrug, wrapping her arms around her tightly. "I thought it'd be nice. Something from before." She looked away. "Forget it. It's stupid."

"Actually," Giles said, falling into step next to her, "I think it's a good idea."

"A great one." Xander assured. "We can make a day of it." He lowered his head, stage-whispering into her ear. "I bet if you pout, we can convince Giles to do the Snoopy dance."

He glared. "I'll be doing no such thing, so you might as well forget it."

It was hard to keep the false tone of indignation from slipping when Dawn dimly smiled in reply.

***

If anyone happens to read this, suggestions of communities to join/post this to would be lovely.

Thanks.

First post.

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 05:30:25 GMT

Starting a new journal actually terrifies me. Far more than it should, considering it's livejournal. But terrify me it does. It's the pressure of coming up with the proper wording for the user info, and the paralyzing fear of ruining the first entry.

How am I doing so far?

This is my fandom journal. After I set it up (coming up with a layout and all of that is quite grueling), I plan to start bombarding communities. With luck, more people than myself will become interested in what I have to say.

Until then, I'll be off in the corner with my terror.